A Portland attorney was enjoying a meal at a popular restaurant when he noticed an on-duty pig parking his pigmobile in a yellow loading only zone. The pig proceeded into the restaurant and ordered pork pad-thai, grunting hungrily.
The Portland attorney noted that the pig, while on-duty, was not responding to any calls or emergencies, and thusly should not have parked his pigwagon in a loading only zone. The Portland attorney proceeded to file a series of citations against the pig in traffic court.
Total possible fine if convicted? $540 US Dollars. That's a lot of bacon.
Of course, the pig believed, and continues to believe, that he did nothing wrong:
Eric Bryant says he approached Officer Chad Stensgaard, but the cop dismissed his concerns about the illegal parking spot.
"If he had acknowledged and corrected his error, we could have avoided this whole thing," Bryant tells the Portland Mercury. "But instead, he kept watching basketball and told me he wasn't doing anything wrong."
The paper says Bryant, a newly minted lawyer, used a section of state law that allows private citizens to issue citations. He filed a complaint that accuses Stensgaard of illegal parking, illegal stopping, ignoring parking restrictions and illegal operation of an emergency vehicle.
And the assistant chief of the Portland Pig Department agrees that the rules of the road don't apply to porkers:
Police officials say he didn't do anything wrong.
"I think asking an officer to spend an inordinate amount of time trying to find a 'legal' parking space that may be a long ways away from where they're going is unreasonable," Assistant Chief Brian Martinek tells KGW-TV.
Sadly, I have a feeling that the traffic court will dismiss the charges, because pigs get convicted on the same rules they enforce only when pigs have wings, which is to say, never.
But kudos to the attorney who holds this ham accountable for his porking of the very laws he is charged with keeping.